Love is stronger than fear..

I’ve been pondering whether or not to upload this blog for a while, its my life, its raw, its real and Im very protective of the ones i love. Love story’s do still exist, passion and romance is real, but the sad thing is love stories are rare in the world these days.. look at the media its full of hate, depressive stories, death or crime. So I will post this blog in the hope it brightens your heart a little, as well as opens your eyes on a important somewhat dangerous profession.

Yes my boyfriend is a cop.

What are the main questions people ask you as soon as you start dating someone? “How old are they and what do they do for a job?” Correct?

In the last 7 months and still today when I happily tell people about my amazing partner in my life, why is there always that pause for surprise when I reply with, ‘he’s a police officer’
(I always say police officer as I feel ‘cop’ is not respectful enough in my opinion).

Is there a grey area I dont know about being in a relationship with a police officer? Is there a scary side to dating one I should know about?
Why is it a big deal that my man is a ‘cop’- yet no one ever answers me when I say ‘yes he is, why so shocked?’

I think it comes down to two types. 1. The judging, scared type who dislike the police for stopping them breaking the law or from some previous instance in their life and 2. The amazed appreciative type who think it’s great you now have a loving man who will protect you and also the community.
I must also shout out to the small percentage of women who you click with straight away when they look at you with that look and say ‘oh you to! ESO relationship, I hear ya!’

I find it interesting now when I tell people, I watch for their reactions. I can basically tell right then and there if I will ever hear from or see them again. And if I dont, you know what, Im perfectly fine with that.
Example..
‘wow, oh so you’re boyfriends a cop, that must be interesting, does he bring his gun home? Can you get let off speeding fines.. what area.’ Ok douche bag 1 hes a cop not your get out of goal free card and 2, he’s not even here right now but the fact that you went from 0-100% nervous with spaced out eyes and awkward stance, just tells me straight up that we wont be seeing you around at functions. And Im very much fine with that.

Then on the flip side you see the true friends who love you no matter what, with words like ‘Im so happy you look so content, this guy seems very caring and genuine, you two complement each other well!”
These small amount of people who dont even mention his career, are the ones you know will be there for all the right reasons and this helps me understand why police officers dont really have a large circle of mates.

We met online, as everyone seems to these days, which really surprised me as Im a very get out there and meet people kind of person.
So after my 1st marriage fell apart and I got out of that horrible toxic mess, I wanted to meet someone who was perfect for me, who’d treat me right, loves love and be the man I was looking for all along (not stupid 18 year old me who thought I knew what I was doing, but hey we all learn from the past.)

So sadly after weekends of empty bars and being more attracted to the guys dogs who I was dating rather than them, I took the plunge into online dating.
And can I just say what is it with people and not leaving their homes these days to actually interact with other humans, it irritates me! Why cant we still talk to strangers at a bar or let a guy open the door for us ladies, why is it creepy if a guy buys you a drink? But yet here we are saying its ok to give someone your address, hop into a guys car anytime of night and pay him through an app called Uber.. hmm..

Back to online dating’, I think to start off it was more creepier then the bad dates I had been on UNTIL I met a nice guy who wasn’t all about DPs and one night stands. His name is Trent, and Im so glad our paths have crossed. His eyes! Omg his eyes and his way with words hooked me straight away. He was kind, very inquisitive, compassionate, funny and had an old soul about him with a gentleman nature – that is what Im all about!

After couple of weeks of chatting everyday, some mornings til 3am, we made times in our busy lives to meet and it was awesome, 6 hours of awesomeness! I kid you not, a 1st date of 6 hours and even that felt like it went so fast, I could have stayed with him much longer.

Of course I was nervous, I get nervous when I want things to go right. I didnt want to disappoint him and from just speaking with him on the phone he was already perfect to me. He was similar to me, but we also differ in some ways.

I first saw him waiting patiently outside the cafe on a sunny Spring day, all in blue, it made his eyes look even more incredible.

He was happy, a little nervous but excited (so excited he told me arrived half and hour early, which I secretly loved). And from that first greeting I lost it. ‘See ya later confident fearless Laura! Lets replace her with nervous shy Laura who is surely going to mess this up.’
We sat inside the cafe with the beautiful morning sun beaming through the glass, he couldn’t take his eyes off me. It was like he was staring into my soul, but his full attention made me feel like I was the only girl in the room, in the whole world at that point.
My only distraction was trying to read the menu 1000 times and that didnt even work, I was so captivated by this guy the words on the page were not even making it to my brain to compute. I knew he would catch onto my nervous act, he was very intelligent and very observant like me. I noticed his lactose free milk, how he observed everyone in the room before seated and how he respectfully kept his phone in his pocket the whole time, not on the table like some rude millennial.

‘Just calm down, what is wrong with you girl‘ I thought. No one has ever made me feel like this. If I stare back is that rude, I tried to keep eye contact but he makes me so nervous and excited all at the same time, I just want to tell him this without sounding like a crazy cat lady and that Im actually not avoiding eye contact to look for the first exit to run.
His persona was, very calm, caring and confident. He was a great conversation starter and knew what he wanted in life, I admire that in a man.

We eventually ate our meals, which I think pleased the waitress as we had turned her away so many times because we were talking so much and yes Trent paid the bill like a gentleman. ( Yes ladies they still exist out there.. so if a man offers to pay dont get on your high horse and talk about equality accept you have a decent man around and let him pay!)

So where to from here? What do you actually say when you don’t want a date to end? I’m good at the whole “was nice to meet you.. ahh I call you sometime.. maybe. Bye” but what do I say to someone I actually could talk to for hours more without sounding like a crazy stage 5 clinger. Thankfully he suggested something like “do you want to go to the look out and keep talking for a while if you’re free?”

Ummm yes I will! And yes I know it was probably risky, who goes into the bush with no phone reception with a guy on a 1st date.. me. Only because I trusted my gut and I was drawn to this man! I felt safe.

As our relationship grew, I knew that by loving him I would become a police officer’s girlfriend. I had a choice: step away and avoid the ‘chaotic life’ of law enforcement/dating a shift worker or step closer and embrace him through all that was to come.

I chose to stay. Love is stronger than fear, right?

Have you ever been in an accident? Have you ever witnessed a crime, or been the victim of a crime? If so, then you might appreciate what cops do for you in those moments. How they help calm you down, help you figure out your next step, and walk with you along the way. But the general public sees little of that. They see cops out to get them for speeding. They see the flashing lights race through an intersection and breathe a sigh of relief that today is not their day for a ticket. My man is so much more than that.

What you don’t see is how he comes home after a long shift and sometimes hides his broken pieces. Not to keep secrets, but to protect those he loves from the reality of our sometimes cruel world. A lady died today, one he tried to bring back to life with his own breath. A teenager ended his life today, and my boyfriend responded to the mother’s desperate cry for help. A family self destructed today, a drug addiction broke them up, scattering the kids into foster care. One day at a time, one shift at a time, I try to do the only thing I know how to do—help him, love him, and  always have his back.

Behind the body armor vest and badge they are human beings just like you and I. Living a life with many other important roles. He’s a cop but what I’d love to add is he is a son, a brother, and a father out there doing his job, providing for our family, all the while doing his best to keep his promise to come home safe at the end of his shift.

“Dont you worry every day hes at work!?” I get asked. “No.” Because that means I dont beleive in him.

As a cop’s girlfriend, its true we do live with the reality every day that this might be the day he can’t keep his promise. I understand that his job is dangerous and that something could go wrong. But at the same time I dont worry because I know how good of a cop he is. I trust his knowledge and training and experience to know he can do his job.

The other common question: “With the long hours and crazy rosters, when do you guys get to even see each other?”

Thats when I think i get it when some say ‘a cops life isnt for every one”. Agreed. A cops life just doesn’t effect him,it effects his family, partner/wife & kids.. yes its tough for all involved. I know theres good days and bad days, late nights and lonely moments and riding solo at some events being with a police officer.. BUT the time you do get together. It’s special. You make it count and cherish every moment. My heart is full just watching him tell stories to the children about how amazing Rome is, watching him teach them life lessons, our sleep ins, hiking with not a care in the world, quiet dinners, wine and pizza dates and just looking at him when he finally let’s his body rest in bed.

For any great relationship to work you need great communication, trust and love. To be each other rock and to remember that real love conquers all.

He’s a cop yes.. but also so much more..